So the St. Louis trip was a good one. Most unfortunately, I was not able to get any pictures because I’m an idiot and forgot my memory card back here at home. I may swipe a couple from Natasha’s MySpace, though she got about as many as I would have gotten. Unless you’re just the designated photographer out at those parks, a camera is just a hassle. I wish I would have known that going out there, because I swear we paid almost $10 in locker rentals that day. Six Flags changed a lot since the last time I was out there. I mean in some bad ways too. The good was that there were several new rides and all that, but I ended up paying an extra $82 for the “FlashPass” so we wouldn’t have to stand in line for 3 hours per ride. On one hand, yes it’s worth it if you’re not up there often and don’t want to spend all of your time standing in line, but my god. That was nearly $100 more than I cared to spend… on top of the hotel room, the regular admission, food, gas, etc. Can you believe that 4 bottles of water ran $14.00? Yes, we had fun, but damn it came at a price.

With all of this travel, I’ve been itching to get out of Memphis more often. It’s not until I leave and really get away for a bit that I come back only to realize that Memphis is crap compared to pretty much everywhere. It’s seriously such a broken city, and it’s a shame because it was a really nice place to live once upon a time. Josh and I were on the phone last night already trying to plan our next getaway. We’re thinking something along the lines of renting a cabin somewhere and doing the outdoors kinda thing. Something that won’t cost us $500 for just a weekend. Ugh.

Gotta get through today and tomorrow and I’ll have four days away from work again. Haha, I love it~! That said, I need to go eat something and start getting ready. I hate the closing shift.

Leaving for St. Louis in a few hours. Just waiting for Josh and Steven to get off work, then we’ll be hitting the road. Maybe I should’ve packed last night. Ugh.

Anyway, I’ll be gone until Monday, but I might have Wi-Fi at the hotel we’re staying at so I won’t be entirely out of touch. Pictures and funstuff to come when I’m back in town. Maybe. Not sure, because blogging will probably be the last thing on my mind as I’m hanging on for dear life on the Mr. Freeze, bitches. LOL.

Just as I was ready to put my domain on the shelf for awhile and walk away in frustration, I stumbled across a few sites that offered more trendy layouts that were right up my alley. Oh, the relief. While I’m still not 110% satisfied with my domain, and as I stated, I probably won’t be until I’m publishing on my own themes, I’m much happier with the overall look and feel of my site now, and I’m more motivated to add to this thing. [/geek]

Last night, Josh and I went to dinner at Chili’s after I got home from work. I hadn’t been feeling all that great over the past week – the physical effects of nicotine withdrawals are such an understated issue when it comes to smokers trying to quit – so I left work about a half hour early. Nausea had been biting at me all week, and with two work-free days within my reach, I was more than happy to take the opportunity to skip out when I did. After feeling like I was ready to hit the floor pretty much all day, I caught my second wind once I was home and I just felt like bouncing off the walls. It was actually kind of retarded, and I annoy myself when I do that.

Thirty minutes later, Josh shows up at my door and we went driving in search of something decent to chow down on. He was in the mood for Mexican, but my stomach wasn’t quite ready for all that. So yeah. We somehow arrived at the conclusion that Chili’s would be a good compromise, so that’s where we went.

Two Long Island Iced Teas later, we were both red in the face, verbally pointing fingers about how “you don’t care about our future and how it coincides with my plans,” and our typical rumbles nowadays. I had ordered a huge burger, but filled up on fries and alcohol because they were easier to handle mid-argument. As we were walking back to his truck, I felt bad. So he had initially started our debate by bringing up a living arrangement plan that involves my brother and his girlfriend that we were planning on doing this spring. Not my fault. However, deep down, I knew that ever since… well. I’m not sure exactly, but whenever it was that he decided to snap out of whatever funk he had been in over the past couple years, he’s been trying to right the wrongs that had been done throughout the first two years of our relationship. Now I’m the one being the jerk about things, and I’m the one being difficult. Well. I mean, you know. He’s no saint, and I get irritated with him about things from time to time, but he’s only human.

Long story still long but coulda been longer – I’m still defensive about things that happened well over a year ago. I’m still carrying a lot of bitterness, and although I keep saying that I’m over it and that I’ve forgiven him, I’ve come to realize that honestly, I never did. I held on and allowed myself to be dragged along in the dirt, but never dusted myself off once I found my footing again. Instead of growing a pair and confronting issues of the past when they should have been addressed, I tucked it away and called it forgiveness.

So at this point, do I call it even and seriously… seriously let go and wipe the slate clean? Is there a way to constructively confront sensitive relationship problems and really pack a punch without doing too much damage? Or is it childish to think that the whole “you can’t have your cake and eat it too” doesn’t apply to me and that I need to realize that there are some things that are just better left unsaid? Somehow, unfortunately, I think that latter is going to be the most realistic mindset. I just need to learn how to comfortably put on my big kid pants and tell myself that enough is enough.

In other news, I will be going to St. Louis this coming weekend, and it’s going to kickass. Josh has never been on a REAL roller-coaster, and I’m glad that I’ll be present for the moment he shits himself on the Batman. I’m ready. I haven’t been on a real get-the-hell-away vacation in about six years. It’s gonna be a good one.

In August, I will be back in St. Louis to take part in my cousin’s wedding on the twenty-third as her Maid of Honor. THAT MEANS A SPEECH. AND A DRESS. EVEN WORSE: A SPEECH IN A DRESS. How terrible. Actually, it’ll be good, and in all honesty, I’m very glad that she’s finding happiness.

SO DRESSES! I’m kinda torn. She’s letting her bridesmaids pick their own styles, but it has to be in this color. I have it narrowed down, but they’re both so cute!

I don’t know. I’m going to go take a look at them and try them on tomorrow. Hopefully all will go well and I won’t end up totally NOT looking forward to having to parade around in one of these. At least I have an excuse to go tanning and get my nails done and all that. At the same time, it sucks because I’m going to have to make an effort to drop like… 10 pounds before then so I won’t look like a blowfish. Ah well. More motivation to get up off my lazy ass and get some exercise outside of work. Ugh.

Politics, I mean.

The world is way too complicated. Whatever happened to tending to yourself and the people you love? What’s the point in all of the labels, boundaries, smears, policies, all of that nonsense?

Whatever happened to moderation? The principle that excess was a bad thing?

What’s so important about politics? No, really. Think about it. It’s like this world has become nothing more than a floating sphere of warring clubs. The instability among the nations has gotten so fucking retarded that I can’t help but to feel apathy. Watching the news and hearing about all of the spats, I just envision a bunch of damn kids waving plastic swords and squirt guns around while crying about who gets to be in charge of the treehouse today. The sad and scary part is that we’re not talking about kids, but grown men and women in charge of weaponry. You don’t get by with just a scraped knee, and you can’t just tell teacher when someone isn’t playing nice. A band-aid and some peroxide won’t do much for a bullet to the head.

I wish the recess bell would ring already. That way, the kids could all go inside together again, quit pissing and moaning about the stupid treehouse, and get some work done. Like that global warming thing, for instance? Can’t run a treehouse that’s not standing. Or maybe world hunger? If I had that many people in my treehouse starving to death, I wouldn’t want to claim ownership or liability.

I’m really tired again. I should stop blogging at 2AM. It makes for a really, really stupid post.

It started off a halfway decent day, but OH MY GOD, I sure felt the pangs of Monday while at work. I’ll spare the details, but I left the money and the paperwork a big mess to avoid being there until midnight. To put it in perspective, we close at 10PM. Yes, terrible. Everything that could have possibly gone shitty pretty much did tonight, and I felt like a jackass being the only manager on duty with no knowledge of how to fix the problem.

It’s cool. I’m home. I’m over it. I get to go back tomorrow night and do it all over again.

I actually don’t feel like blogging now that I think about it. Nothing to say. Kinda tired.

Edit: Just wanted to throw it in somewhere that I can’t get over this song. Omfg. Can’t stop listening to it.

OR

Any thoughts? I want one! Preferably before my trip to St. Louis!

So. Anyone have any suggestions on good WP theme tutorials? I’ve read the one on WP.com or whatever, but it’s got way too much included for me to even CARE about picking apart. I just want something clear-cut and to the point. I just want to know how to get a layout to translate from regular XHTML/CSS to something that Wordpress can use and function on (I mean keeping the archive updated, comments manageable, and all that trash). I’m not looking to turn water into wine, dammit.

It was a long ass week, and I’m so glad it’s my four-day weekend. A little spat between the mister and I with a pinch of the legendary greatness of PMS has kept it from starting out on the right foot, but four days away from work is four days away from work. I’m not going to cry about my week anymore because it’s over, and I’m done.

My agenda for the weekend:

• Belated spring cleaning. I may or may not get around to doing this.
• At least an hour of piano each day. I’m getting better, but I’ll be making that much more progress if I really took the time EVERY day to practice.
• Update financial stuff. I have a trip to plan for, so I need to know when to stop spending my money if we’re going to make it to St. Louis at the end of the month.
• Wrap up my webdesign projects. As much as I’d love to devote my time to my personal domain, I have other obligations to fulfill, and I’ve dragged them out long enough.
• Swing back into a decent diet/exercise regimine. I’ve lost a bit of weight since my promotion into management and all because I’m doing so much more physical work, but I still need to do this.

I’m sure there’s more I’d like to accomplish this weekend, but I’ll leave it there for now because something tells me I’m going to end this weekend pissed off at myself for indulging in the opportunities to sleep in and be all sorts of lazy. Then again, I may surprise myself. Who knows.

I think if there’s one thing I really, really hope I don’t botch is my cigarette banishment. Yes, I’ve been making a dedicated effort to drastically cut my habit to the bare minimum, and I think that success is finally within reach this time. I’ve cut smoke breaks out of my work day entirely (MAJOR step there), and I haven’t smoked more than about 4 afterwards, so I think moreso than ever, I can finally believe that quitting will be doable. I can already feel the effects – my lungs don’t seem so full of shit and I’m more energetic. I’ve noticed a few co-workers have been acting differently around me lately, and I’m not sure if it’s just me being paranoid, oversensitive, or what, but I think my bitch reflex has been getting harder to keep under control. Yep. That’s a sure sign of nicotine decrease. I’m back to being cranky and more stubborn.

Bed’s calling me. If I plan to follow through on the things I’m hoping to do (that Spring Cleaning thing is going to be the main objective, most likely) then I have a lot to do and I can’t let myself sleep in. So. That said, I’m done. AOL works now, so if anyone needs me, I’ll be in touch. Maybe.

I’ll be updating this thing extensively. Well. Extensively enough. I want a cam, photo gallery, a sufficient amount of info throughout the content pages, and a pretty button wall. And smileys. And a better layout.

Three more days until I get a four-day weekend again. I’m excited. Another paycheck will be in order as well… I think. Well. Maybe not. That’s the next week. I’m doing better with my finances, and I’ll actually have money put back for the the first time in like… 3 years.

I’ll post something worth reading soon. And pictures. I got a haircut and highlights put in about a month ago and I have yet to show it off. iLaziness strikes.

Going to go get ready for work now. Awwe.